I am the first to admit that I don't have a CLUE when it comes to parenting...
BUT there have been times when I think for a blistering fast second that I might have finally gotten it.
THEN something new comes along.
Some sin issue (mine and/or theirs)
Some new hormone spurt
Some new arena I totally didn't know was hidden around that hairpin turn we just took at 120mph.
So we've been meeting with a pastor at our church.
A pastor who has four boys.
Who KNOWS boys.
(And who knows how different it is to raise boys in an all-boy family too)
And when we've been meeting, I spend most of the time furiously writing notes.
So I don't forgot these gems of wisdom thrown our way.
Like diamonds in coal dust. (even if I totally and completely forget to bring paper and have to scratch it on the back of a shopping list/recycled church bulletin paper in my purse.)
And I just want to encourage any other mothers out there of boys.
Especially mothers of wild ones.
Thrill seekers.
Boys on the edge of red hot anger in a flash.
Boys growing and full of hormones,
with specks of bitterness.
Be Encouraged.
Our pastor says these are the boys he's looking for.
These are the boys who will do GREAT things for God.
These are the missionaries with a passion.
These are the men who will go to the rough places with the gospel of Christ.
These are the do-ers who will witness to the other players on the team,
who will work in the soup kitchens,
who will travel to the infested jungles or the concrete ghettos in the inner cities.
THESE are the boys who can do amazing things for Christ.
Through our meetings with our pastor, I've been writing out parts of my job as a mom of the Thrill Seeker boy:
1. PRAY.
Pray that his heart will be passionate for Christ. Pray for safety. Pray for passion for the Gospel. Pray for God to really touch and mold his heart at an early age. Pray, Pray, Pray.
2. DO NOT squelch his thrill-seeking tendencies.
Help him be wise (safe) and then don't watch. LOL (within reason, of course)
3. Help him find SOMETHING he is passionate about.
Skateboarding, BMXing, motocross, etc etc. Or maybe sky diving--(ya, my son actually did ask me just the other day, "Hey mom? If you KNEW, 100% without a doubt that your parachute would absolutely open, would you ride a motorcycle from an airplane and skydive to the ground?! I mean, you'd know 100% that the parachute would open, at the right time and everything... because I sure would.")
4. At EVERY opportunity
(and there will be many, many of them) TEACH.
Teach, teach, teach
Train, train, train.
We have the consequences without parental anger down fairly well, but the BIG step that Love and Logic is missing, is that at the CALM times, the GOOD times, talk about God. Talk, really talk, about what REAL, STRONG men look like. What leaders of their family do. What Men of God act like. Read them Biblical stories (David is a GREAT man of God with a Thrill Seeker heart... as is Paul.) and biographies of STRONG men of Christ who did the HARD things.
5. Every time they mess it all up, STAY. CALM.
These thrill seeker boys have a very low flash point temper. My anger at their anger will accomplish exactly one thing... Bitterness.
6. KNOW that you will ALWAYS be dealing with SOMETHING.
Parenting isn't about FIXING them and then you're done with that problem.
Parenting is dealing with an issue that suddenly slaps you in the face and working, working, working, on it until the next thing comes up.
And there will ALWAYS be a next thing.
ALWAYS.
Relationship and communication are key.
Relationship and communication are totally messed up with anger.
And most of all (this is from me, not our pastor), please, PLEASE be REAL with other moms.
I feel so ALONE, so much of the time because other moms seem to have it all together.
I know moms who have moved through every day of their parenting lives without mentioning ONE SINGLE WORD about any kind of snag or problem tripped over.
Really?
Are there families like that?
For real?
Moms like me who are struggling in this thing called parenting need to know that others are too.
I need REAL.
TRANSPARENT.
HONEST.
PAINFUL.
TEARS.
LAUGHTER.
and all the craziness that is my life--from other moms too.